Lupin III - First Series Episode 12
In a hut somewhere in a snowy area an old man is being held hostage or something. Some guy is talking to him about how he will now take two golden statues. As he talks the old guy notices a saw cutting a hole in the side of the hut. (The guy must be deaf since he didn't hear that when it was four feet away from him...) A hand enters the hole and takes two boxes on a shelf right under the hole. The hand screws up and makes a noise and the guy notices and throws an axe at the hand. And then we find out the hand belongs to Fujiko.
She runs and men chase after her. Jumping on a snow mobile she speeds off, one of the guys shooting a machine gun at her. And his aim sucks because he keeps shooting the snow on either side of her.
The axe throwing guy demands they chase her, so the men jump on snowmobiles and give chase. (The hunt is on!) They finally hit something and shoot the snow mobile, Fujiko getting tossed off of it and into the snow. She is surrounded, but tricks the men and escapes.
Back in the hut axe thrower speaks with one of the men, Sumiito, and is mad that Fujiko escaped them. He is also mad because she ruined his plans to catch Lupin. The old man laughs at this, axe thrower replying by punching him in the face. (Take that, old man! Although, he looks like a hippie. Yes, beat that hippie, axe man!)
Fujiko walks in the snow. And walks and walks and... checks her compass (I think it's broken!) and walks... She finally finds the cave she is looking for, Lupin inside by a fire. (It's obviously him and then he talks to her and then she's like "Lupin!!" all happy and shocked, as if her slow moving brain just got done computing that the man who was obviously Lupin is indeed Lupin.)
Axe man, whose name was mentioned and whose name I already forgot, is talking to someone on the radio. Too. Much. Useless. Information.
Team D is sent!
Axe man then kills Sumiito (I bothered to remember his name and then he dies. Figures.) for failing and the old man laughs again. And axe man grabs an axe and hits the old man in the head. (The bump on his head looks like someone shoved a potato halfway into his skull...)
The old man says how he thinks the men are stupid or something. Talk of the statues and their value. Since Fujiko only stole one of them axe man says they will wait for her and Lupin to come claim the other. Old man laughs again and has an axe thrown at him, just barely missing his head.
Lupin and Fujiko in the cave, talkin' and stuff. Of course Lupin just wants to screw her and is rejected.
Team D has arrived! In a stupid looking helicopter! And they're being stalked! By Jigen! Who they don't see because his black suit blends in so well with the white snow!
And so away Jigen goes, skiing off. And then he falls into a hole or something.
Fujiko seducing Lupin into getting the second statue for her. And then when he tries to tackle her she takes a burning stick to his face.
Team D skiing down a hill! Team D getting shot up!
Jigen then runs all retardedly back to the cave. (Crap, I probably look like that when my dog drags me around when I walk her in the snow... My image! It's ruined!) Lupin is knocked out and Jigen blames Fujiko, who then blames Lupin. (He beat the crap out of himself! Honest! -hides bloody club behind back-) Jigen then bitch slaps Lupin awake and then takes Fujiko's gun. And then Fujiko is tied up and hauled away by Lupin.
Team D throwing grenades into the cave!
Lupin rides off on a snow mobile. Jigen smashes a member of Team D! in the head. Filthy hippie is set free in exchange for helping axe man catch Lupin.
Lupin is in the hut with the dirty filthy hippie trying to buy the second statue, but hippie is refusing whatever Lupin offers. Lupin is all "Grr! I'll show you!" and gives the man all of the money he brought. He then gives him his clothes. Old disgusting hippie also wants Lupin's boxers.
Team D rigging dynamite to Lupin's snow mobile!
Lupin, now in a kind of loin cloth thing, is shown the statue. He then gives Fujiko to the hippie as some sort of weird offering.
Because of the blizzard they are forced to stay in the hut, Lupin trying to get Fujiko into bed with him. And his plan fails. Again. He wakes up alone and finds Fujiko and the statues gone, so he takes back his clothes, jumps on the rigged snow mobile and takes off.
But wait! It was a trick!
The snow mobile blows up and throws Lupin into a tree. Axe man now has the two statues and is happily evil.
(Okay, the elder has been tied up, threatened with death many times, used over and over and still believes everything axe man tells him? How did he get to be elder? I thought elders were supposed to be wise. "But, that wasn't the plan! That wasn't what you promised! That wasn't-!")
Lupin and Jigen start blowing up the huts in the village. (They aren't even aiming the launcher and the missiles hit a different place every time. Magic!) And so, the village is destroyed. (That place was not that big ten minutes ago.)
Axe man has a plan!
(Ugh, the first series has the worst music of all time. Seriously, I've heard disco songs that are more pleasing to the ears.)
Team D hitting every single land mine placed in the snow!
Having failed, axe man chooses to run into an exploding something or other rather than be set free. Lupin and Jigen are disappointed, the statues destroyed and the whereabouts of the gold mine unknown. (There was a gold mine? Since when?)
Fujiko shows up on a snow mobile (Seriously, where are they getting all of these?) and thanks Lupin, having the map of the gold mines location. Lupin is mad, Jigen calls her a bastard and Fujiko rides off. Lupin lassoes the snow mobile and he and Jigen are dragged behind it.
Oh my gosh story twist! The old dirty filthy disgusting hippie has the real maps and the money Lupin gave for the other statue. Episode is over, finally! Yay!
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